The solution for adult children is found in the relationship between a person’s inner child and parent, which are two different sides of self. The full list of characteristics can be found in the Laundry List, the 14 common traits of adult children, which was written by the ACA founder Tony A. Whether a child’s parent is receiving addiction treatment for alcohol addiction or not, it’s important to offer a safe space for the child. In the absence of a stable, emotionally supportive enviornment, you learned to adapt in the only ways you knew how.
Effects on Adult Children of Alcoholic Parents
Navigating relationships with parents can be difficult, especially if they are navigating their own complex situations like addiction. Sherry Gaba, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist/author specializing in addictions, codependency, and underlying issues such as depression, trauma, and anxiety. These dysfunctional family dynamics and trauma exact a heavy psychological toll on the child, who may respond to these stressors in different ways.
While the cognitive deficits observed in some children of alcoholics may be related to FASDs, environmental factors also appear to have an influence. The chaos and stress of their home environment, in particular, can make it hard for a child to stay motivated and organized — two ingredients that are vital to academic success. Studies show that children with alcoholic parents tend to perform worse on tests and are more likely to repeat a grade. A trained mental health professional can offer more support with identifying unhelpful habits and coping mechanisms and exploring alternatives that better serve you. Couples therapy can also have benefit, according to White, if you believe behaviors rooted in your childhood experiences have started to affect your romantic relationship. Conversely, Peifer notes that some children who grow up in these environments may become more attention-seeking in order to fulfill the needs their parents couldn’t meet.
Impulsive Behavior
Studies show a correlation between malnutrition and physical abuse in adult children of alcoholics. This may manifest in various ways, such as a predisposition for impulsive behavior or a tendency to isolate themselves, both of which can create barriers to forming and maintaining healthy partnerships. The impact of a parent with alcohol addiction can lead to an inner struggle with trust, communication issues, or a distorted perception of what a stable relationship looks like. A 2017 study showed that an estimated 12% of youth under the age of 18 lives with at least one parent that experiences alcohol use disorder (AUD). Plus, based on combined data from 2009 and 2014, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Service Administration (SAMHSA) reports that 1 in 8 children have a parent experience substance use disorder (SUD). With therapy and support, ACOAs can make changes in their life and treat the underlying PTSD and trauma.
Health Challenges
- The adult child in recovery can observe and respond to the conflict, emptiness and loneliness that stem from a parent’s substance abuse, and they can mourn the unchangeable past.
- Children in alcoholic families suffer trauma as acute as soldiers in combat; they also carry the trauma like an albatross throughout their lives.
- Understanding the roots of this trait is vital for recovery and personal growth.
If they confide in you and you feel it is best to speak to a third party, explain to the child that you are doing this to help them. Even if the child is upset or angry with you, continue to offer unconditional love and support. Individual therapy is a great place to start, says Michelle Dubey, LCSW, chief clinical officer for Landmark Recovery.
As a result of trust issues or the lack of self-esteem, adult children of parents with AUD often struggle with romantic relationships or avoid getting close to others. Brown recommends psychotherapy for adult children of alcoholics, and states that group therapy may work extremely well. If a group is unavailable, individual psychotherapy, family therapy, and even psychopharmacology can do a lot of good. Early professional help is also important in preventing more serious problems for the child, including reducing risk for future alcoholism. Child and adolescent psychiatrists can diagnose and treat problems in children of alcoholics.
Feelings of confusion, vulnerability, shame, guilt, fear, anxiety and insecurity are all common among children of alcoholics. Many of these children go on to develop symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder as adults. Growing up with a parent with alcohol use disorder has real-life consequences for many adult children. Even long after leaving your parent’s home, you could still be dealing with the aftermath of their alcohol addiction. As painful as it is for someone to live with alcohol use disorder, they aren’t the only ones affected. Their family members — especially children — are usually impacted by alcohol use, too.
How does having an alcoholic parent affect a child?
The inconsistency and volatility they experienced during childhood can set a precedent for how they respond to change in adulthood, leading to anxiety or stress when faced with new or altered circumstances. Research suggests that about one in 10 children lives with a parent who has an alcohol use disorder, and about one in 5 adults lived with a person who used alcohol when they were growing up. Parents with an AUD may have difficulty providing children with a safe, loving environment, which can lead to long-term emotional and behavioral consequences. Experts highly recommend working with a therapist, particularly one who specializes in trauma or substance use disorders. According to Peifer, a mental health professional can help you connect deep-rooted fears and wounds stemming from childhood to behaviors, responses, and patterns showing up in your adult life.
They may also struggle with relationships, face academic challenges, and have a higher risk of developing substance abuse problems themselves. One in five adult Americans have lived with an alcoholic relative while growing up. In general, these children are at greater risk for having emotional problems than children whose parents are not alcoholics. Alcoholism runs in families, and children of alcoholics are four times more likely than other children to become alcoholics themselves. Compounding the psychological impact of being raised by a parent who is suffering from alcohol abuse is the fact that most children of alcoholics have experienced some form of neglect or abuse. The previous set of traumas impacts the ability of children of alcoholics to develop healthy social skills and social bonds.
Not only is the experience devastating, it’s common, says Stephanie Brown, founder of the Alcohol Clinic at Stanford Medical Center, where she formulated the developmental model of alcohol recovery. Seventy-six million Americans (about 45 percent of the U.S. population) have been exposed to alcoholism in the family in one way or another, and an estimated 26.8 million of them are children. “These children are more at risk for alcoholism and other drug abuse than are children of non-alcoholics, and more at risk of marrying an alcoholic as well.” Learn more about whether alcoholism is genetic, how alcoholism affects children, characteristics of children of alcoholics, risk factors among children of alcoholics and support for children of alcoholics.
Talk therapy one-on-one or group counseling, somatic experiencing, and EMDR are highly effective in addressing the signs of trauma and developing new, healthy coping mechanisms. When you grow up in a home with one or more alcoholic parents, the impact of the dysfunction reverberates throughout your life. Research shows that a child’s are drug dogs trained to smell nicotine risk of becoming an alcoholic is greater if their alcoholic parent is depressed or suffers from other co-occurring disorders. Their risk also goes up if both parents are addicted to alcohol and other drugs, if the alcohol abuse is severe and if there is violence in the home.
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